I didn’t know how I was feeling ’til I put pen to paper

And let my heart speak,

I let my heart breathe,

Finally I let my heart bleed

Until the day I learn again that it is made to beat

So used to being corrected

I thought I could dictate to it too

Don’t feel this, or think that

Better to retreat than learn how to speak

Learn how to puzzle hundreds of tabs I’ve opened up into one piece just to keep intact

From “Is it normal” to “How to…?”

I’ve learnt to find guidelines to not falling apart through navigating my screen,

*

“Until you let sleep, the monsters roaming around your head instead of chasing

And caressing them endlessly,

The hounds will scratch at the door

You built to keep the pain away”

*

Blind solitude dances into shadows of isolation

My feelings are of the world, and shutting them out has me feeling detached from myself at times

I stay awake,

Jam my mind with information overloaded to keep the spiraling at bay”

*

Crash! goes the hardware I’ve installed

Rejected by my soft inner bits

Through the crack in my walls, my demons gush out – I’m choking

Down goes the strength I’ve fought so much to keep up

In vain,

Built up a wall of tabs and likes so tall

So I would never have to feel small

But on the other side, eagerly awaited:

A different air,

A foreign air,

Invading my space, left gasping, I’m brought to my knees by helpless sobs, been strong for much too long,

It took a taste of clean air to make me find,

That
I know nothing,
Now I’d rather let my spirit roam freely instead

Believe me when I tell you now
I own nothing
No love, not my feelings, experiences, nor the thoughts that I come across 
None of the world’s many worthy causes or any of your applause

This water that I’m composed of now flows freely, right through,

I’m losing the essence of me, as these salty waters wash away parts that once made up my form, surely this outlet promises renewal in me

*

And so I owe nothing, no strength, no roles laid out for me to wrap myself in,

May the present be the one gift I remember is given to me,

And I intend to spend the rest of my days, remembering that only time can be spent, truly

As for me, I am free.

Hear the drum roll in my chest beating as I step out into the world,

And I remember, as I catch my breath,

This is me, world,

Brace yourself, Make way,

…for This is me