DEAR SELF

I am writing to you, at the same time I am writing to me
If you don’t relate to some of the things I say, just assume those are the ones directed to me
However, when you relate, remember, this is for me and this is for you

Yesterday I was on a high
Today that feels like a lie
This seems to happen often that sometimes I wish I could cry
I just wish you could write me back and the tell me the story from your side
Maybe I would understand why my life goes in circles with no way out

Hey self, what do you see when you look at me?
Do you see a failure and something with no sense at all?
If you were in a crowd, would you point me out and say I know that guy?
Or would you just walk away and pretend like you never saw me?
Am I doing what you’d like from me such that when you pass clear waters and see you’d say that is my reflection?

It is very dark I cannot see
I cannot find direction to the light because the cloud of darkness is frightening
I can feel my heart pumping but the fear is not the one being pumped out of my system
Instead, the pressure elevates the temperatures of my body now my mind is burned out without even thinking…….straight

Can you teach me something…
Anything like it is okay to be in the dark, for you shall embrace light when it comes
Something like when it is dark you learn to understand yourself better and get up stronger
Teach me that life is not a fairytale, but life is fair by not being fair to everyone
Teach me not to close my eyes when it gets dark but to look into myself and see that within I have the power which possesses light

If you do that, maybe I’ll know why I get Goosebumps when it gets cold and why I sweat when it gets hot
Maybe I’ll know what to do when I lose leaves in winter or how to create a summery feeling through the high winds so that I can make it to the next spring day
All I want here is to be able to live through any weather

Hey self, remember I asked you what do you see in me?
If you see a failure, it is fine; I need your honesty anyway
And if it is brutal, I don’t want to have it any other way
You’re the only one always here, and you’ll be here when I see the light of day

So I’d like you to help change my failure to favor
To keep believing that with every storm there’s a possibility of seeing the rainbow
Once we’ve seen that rainbow, we’ll take it to the people
And show them how to turn dangerous waters into faith building colors.

When you get me there, you’d have helped me fulfill my worth

I thank you